Just keepin' it real

So just a few minutes ago, I went over to our local Chic-fil-a (also commonly known as the Single Greatest Fast Food restaurant EVER) to get dinner, since the Missus is under the weather. Business for the evening rush really hadn't picked up yet, so I walked straight up to the counter to place my order.

The girl who was taking my order had a co-worker, maybe 17 years old, jabbering in her ear. Apparently, they'd been having a conversation about another co-worker before I showed up. Instead of doing the smart thing and shutting up, the kid kept talking.

"See, one of my homeboys was there, so I know she was keepin' it real, you know what I'm sayin'?"

I looked at him quizzically for a second, then motioned him over. Being that customer service truly does come first at the local Chic-fil-a, even in a situation that could be to the employee's physical detriment, he walked over the counter in front of me.

"You don't have homeboys," I said, leaning over the counter and speaking softly. "And I don't know what you're saying, she doesn't know what you're saying and, really, you don't know what you're saying."

For you see, the 17-year-old in question had a small problem that made it a little tough to believe he could keep it real: he was the whitest kid you've ever seen.

How white? White enough that I felt soul within me when I looked at him.

The kid had super blonde hair, blue eyes, and a complexion so pale that his cheeks really were red. This kid was so nordic that Hitler would have popped a Woodrow at the sight of him.

So here he was, the postcard for Der Fuhrer's Master Race, talking like he had Master's Degree in Thug Life. Uh, no.

To his eternal credit, he stiffened up, said "Yes, sir," and went in the back ignoring the stifled giggles of his co-workers. Whether he busted out his Kanye CD to figure out how to respond to such criticism is unknown.

Dinner, by the way, was quite good. CFA kept it real, you know what I'm sayin'?

How Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize

Keep in mind, the real remarkable aspect of this is that he did something within two weeks of being sworn in that was good enough for him to get nominated. I mean, that's truly remarkable; to do enough for world peace in 14 days that a bunch of politically-motivated morons with a hatred of George W. Bush and U.S. stature in the global community thought he was deserving of consideration. I mean, plainly this is not socialists helping socialists; after all, they can point to Obama's doing a lot since his nomination to clinch the award. His feats include:

• Devaluing the dollar, not only damaging the American economy but the global economy, due to his fundamentally foolish economic policies;
• "Improving relations" with Russia, which has strengthened their hand in support of nefarious regimes like North Korea and Iran (more on them shortly);
• Betraying staunch allies in Poland and the Czech Republic by scrapping the missile shield;
• Supporting Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro in attempting to have the extraconstitutional leader of Honduras returned to power. The socialist douche attempted to circumvent the constitution by holding a referendum to expand his powers (unconstitutional) and was thrown out by the military (oddly enough, constitutional). Instead of upholding what is actually the rule of law, he wants the Chavez-ista back in power, which isn't going to help our standing in Latin America one iota;
• "Re-engaged" North Korea, which paid off in their re-starting a nuclear reactor they shut down under pressure from the Bush Administration and test firing multiple missiles, some of which can hit American territory;
• "Engaged" Iran, which allowed them to continue work on a nuclear bomb;
• Worked so hard on his "engagement" with Iran that he failed to raise a finger when Ahmadinejad stole the presidential election and then killed thousands of protesters, who should have received at least tacit support from the United States;
• Brought a pro-Palestinian policy to the Arab-Israeli issue, essentially undercutting the Jewish state and leaving them more vulnerable than ever before;
• Had members of his cabinet and vocal supporters advocate shooting down Israeli aircraft if they flew over Iraqi territory to bomb Iranian nuclear sites. Thankfully, the Saudi royal family (!) is more intelligent and cognizant of the threat of a nuclear Iran, and granted them flyover rights;
• Backed off campaign promises to do what is necessary to win in Afghanistan, instead deciding that attempting to negotiate with yet another group dedicated to our destruction (in this case, the TALIBAN) was just a peachy keen idea, thus leaving our military out to dry;
• Botched Chicago's effort to win the 2016 Olympics (ha, ha).

So, in short, here's how he won the Nobel Prize: he weakened his nation's standing internationally, made it more vulnerable to attack and sold out long-standing allies as part of some incredibly naive (some would accurately say monumentally stupid) effort to make evil regimes want to snuggle with us.

The Nobel committee has no shame, so they won't be embarrassed by this farce of an award. But a whole lot of people around the globe are beginning to wonder just how dumb and politically motivated they truly are.

Say hello to the Affirmative Action Nobel Prize.