An evening with The Midget

For those of you who don't know, I have a God-daughter. Sort of. Long story.
Anyway, she's 6, she's full of pep and energy, has a big smile and, in most cases, is utterly adorable. Sometimes, of course, like most kids, she has a little too much energy and things get past her in the excitement of life.

The suckage of Filipe Paulino just happens to be one of those things.

For those of you who don't know, Filipe Paulino is a pitcher for the Houston Astros. He should be a supervisor at Bubbles Car Wash, or something where he can do no more harm to my psyche. This guy is killing me. KILLING ME! I don't know how to say "Batting Practice" en Espanol, but this guy is it. The guy has a 7.28 ERA and has given up 13 homers in 59 innings--and I swear that I've been in attendance for EVERY SINGLE ONE.

Which brings us to last night's game. Last night was supposed to be Roy Oswalt's night on the mound. He's hurt, which means El Sucko Pitchero was on the hill. I had a feeling the latest edition of Suckfest '09 was in the offing last night and had a slight feeling of trepidation (read: I figured the Astros were gonna get their teeth kicked in) when we got to the yard last night.

The Midget, on the other hand, was all kinds of pumped. She was at the ballgame, she was gonna see her man Carlos Lee and all was right with the world.

Ah, to be young and not give a damn that you're 5 games out of the division lead and your pitcher couldn't get Stephen Hawking out in a must-win game.

(A quick aside: try imagining Hawking's computerized voice saying, "Paulino blows goats." I can. It's quite amusing and painfully true.)

Anyway, as predicted, Paulino went out and did his best imitation of the Hindenburg from the start, leaving me in a dour mood. The Midget, on the other hand, remained fired up, heckling the Giants with all her might.

"BOO GIANTS! YOU'RE NO GOOD!" (Score: 2-0 Giants, top 2)

The Midget found out Pablo Sandoval, the Giants 3rd Baseman, is nicknamed Kung Fu Panda. So she responded by jeering, "BOO KING FU PANDA!" Kung Fu Panda was offended, and hit a ball to New Caney to show his displeasure.

"THAT'S ALL RIGHT, THAT'S OK, WE'RE GONNA BEAT YOU ANYWAY!" (2-0 Giants to 4-0 Giants, pretty much continuously).

After a while, I leaned over and told her the cold, unvarnished truth.

"We're not gonna win. Paulino sucks."

"Oh," she replied.

Pause. One beat, two beats...

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ASTROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!"

Final score: Giants 8, Astros 1.

Go. Team. Go. It's all right, it's ok, Drayton made you suck this way!