Translating Obamaspeak (so you don't have to)

After more than a year of constant study and analysis, yours truly has been able to decipher some of the jibber-jabber that comes out of the president's mouth. Here are some of his most commonly used phrases, along with the translation into normal English.

Obama: "Let me be clear..."
Translation: "I'm going to obfuscate, dance around the issue and muddy the waters to the point you've forgotten what I was talking about."

Obama: "I think it's obvious..."
Translation: "Look, just shut up and nod."

Obama: "This is about bringing hope and change to the American people."
Translation: "This was about getting me elected, now it's about getting me re-elected."

Obama: "We need to get this done quickly because that's what the American people expect."
Translation: "If we don't get this crap done quickly, someone may read the legislation and we're screwed."

Obama: "We're going to restore America's place in the global community."
Translation: "I'm going to apologize to every living thing on this planet so my approval ratings in Berlin kick ass."

Obama: "Things are on schedule in Iraq."
Translation: "Bush won the war and I'm ignoring it now."

Obama: "We need a different course in Afghanistan.
Translation: "Arm the Predators."

Obama: "We're a loyal ally of Israel and will protect her."
Translation: "If Iran gets the bomb, sucks to be you guys."

Obama: "We saved the economy."
Translation: "Don't look at the numbers."

Obama: "We're going to be the most transparent administration in history."
Translation: "404--File not found"

Obama: "This isn't about me."
Translation: "It's always about me."