The Top 10 Bond Girls of All Time

(Note: In order to make this list, you had to last more than five minutes, have more than five lines and actually play a major role in a movie. This knocks out Plenty O' Toole from Diamonds Are Forever, and all the great babes from Octopussy. Sorry, thems the rules.)

Let's face it; there's nothing more awesome for a heterosexual man to see in the history of movies than the Bond Girls--and that includes the Jedi. After all, Yoda and Young Skywalker kick ass, but wouldn't do much in a thong. These babes, on the other hand, show up and immediately take your breath away (even though Xenia Onatopp from Goldeneye, who did not make this list, could do it with her theighs). So, without further adieu, here we go:

10) Dr. Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles), Moonraker

Oh, if only you were an Aggie instead of a t-sip.

Pros: She's a CIA agent, tough and resourceful. In real life, she's also a Houston girl, still lives here and teaches drama at Cougar High (The University of Houston). And damn, she's fine.
Cons: For someone teaching acting, she's not much an actress. She's stiff and relatively emotionless. In real life, she's also a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin, a tremendous negative on this blog.
Best scene: (Goodhead) "Tonight I'm giving my address." (Bond) "Then can you think of a reason we can't have a drink afterward?" (Goodhead) "Not yet. But I'm sure I shall."

9) Jinx Johnson (Halle Berry), Die Another Day

Two men have divorced you? They should be shot.

Pros: She was another kickass CIA agent. In fact, she may have kicked more ass than any Bond Girl ever. She was one tough chick and made that bikini work for her.
Cons: The movie she was in sucked and didn't maximize her...ahem...talents.
Best Scene: A swordfight with the traitorous Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike, see below) on a disintegrating Russian IL-76 jet belonging to a North Korean dude who looks just like a limey. I told you this movie was lame.

You're a traitor and deserve a spanking.

8) Contessa Teresa Bond (Diana Rigg), On Her Majesty's Secret Service

What, no leather outfit? I want my money back!

Pros: Witty, sassy and one of the most beautiful women in the history of mankind. She was good enough for James Bond to marry her, for God's sake!
Cons: Yeah, he married her. And then she got zapped--by Telly Savalas! Blah.
Best Scene: Anything she did in The Avengers.

7) Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi), From Russia With Love

Voice dubbed. Body legit.

Pros: The runner-up in the 1960 Miss Universe, Daniela Bianchi had one of the greatest bodies in the history of the Bond franchise and had no problem showing it off.
Cons: She couldn't speak English too friggin' good; in fact, her lines were dubbed. She was also soft and meek. But who cares?
Best Scene: Anytime she was romping in the sheets with 007.

6) Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach), The Spy Who Loved Me

Pull down the blanket a little, comrade. It's warm in here.

Pros: Major Amasova (aptly codenamed XXX by the KGB), is tenacious, fearless and has a much bigger pair of assets then you would expect on such a small frame.
Cons: Not much of an actress; her voice will grate on you. And she married Ringo. Dude, what's up with that?
Best Scene: Underwater, in Bond's sub/car. Suddenly, she hits a couple of buttons, launches a mine and kills some bad guys chasing them on some kind of skiff. "How'd you know how to do that?" Bond asks. "I stole the blueprints to this vehicle two years ago," she replies. Touche'.

5) Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi), Thunderball

Need some help toweling down, red?

Pros: Quite possibly the hottest Bond Girl ever. Wow.
Cons: Also a member of SPECTRE. Boo.
Best Scene: Actually, two; when James tells her that he only banged her for "Queen and Country" and derived no pleasure from it, she replies, "But of course, I forgot your ego, Mr. Bond. James Bond, the one where he has to make love to a woman, and she starts to hear heavenly choirs singing. She repents, and turns to the side of right and virtue...But not this one!"
(Bond): "Well, you can't win them all."
The other: She's in the tub (WOOHOO!). James comes in and sits down. She asks for something to wear. He gives her her sandals. What a kidder, that 007.

4) Domino Derval (Claudine Auger), Thunderball

Care to take a dip, sweetie?

Pros: Willing to do anything to help Bond defeat SPECTRE's Number 2, Largo, who had ordered the killing of her brother. That includes killing him (see below).
Cons: She's Largo's kept woman for quite some time. And if she's doing him, that's gross. If she's just his arm candy, that's still not saying much for her--but would explain why she throws herself at Bond.
Best Scene: In the critical scene, Largo has the jump on James and is about to deliver the coup de grace with a .38 (I think). But, from behind, Domino shoots him with a spear gun, killing him. (Domino) "I'm glad I killed him." (Bond) "You're glad..."

3) Solitaire (Jane Seymour), Live and Let Die

This picture is NOT from Live and Let Die--but do you care?

Pros: Uh...it's Jane Friggin' Seymour. Body to kill for, which James does (frequently).
Cons: She plays a very meek character in a subpar movie.
Best Scene: Near the very end of the movie, Bond and Solitaire are on a train when one of the bad guys shows up to do them in. Bond shoves Solitaire into one of the hide-a-beds, closes it, then does in the bad dude. When he releases Solitaire, she indignantly says, "That wasn't very funny!" Au contraire, darling.

2) Pussy Galore (Honor Blackmon), Goldfinger

We must be dreaming.

Pros: Pilot, crack shot, helps Bond defeat the evil Goldfinger after 007 brings her over from the other team (not just SPECTRE). And come on--her name is PUSSY GALORE! It's total greatness! You hear Sean Connery call her "Pussay" about 35 times in the movie, and you still crack up each time.
Cons: Well, she was a member of SPECTRE...
Best Scene: Only one of the greatest of all time! (Bond) "Who're you?" (Pussy, pointing a gun at him) "My name is Pussy Galore." (Bond) "I must be dreaming."

1) Honey Rider (Ursula Andress), Dr. No

Well, hello, darlin'.

Pros: The first is still the best. Absolute physical perfection in a bikini for the whole damned movie.
Cons: None, really.
Best scene: Anytime she's in the bikini.