The official Milo Hamilton Drinking Game

For those of you who don't know, Milo Hamilton is the geriatric voice of the Astros. He's been broadcasting for 62 (or 64, I forget) years, and he'll be glad to tell you all about it. Milo is best known for calling Hank Aaron's 715th home run (he was working for the Braves at that point--duh), but Milo loves him some Milo. He is of the firm belief that he's still the most entertaining dude on the radio, even if some other folks may feel he's slipped just a bit (read: he's senile).

In any event, here is the drinking game that will leave you quite hammered when Milo's being Milo.

Single person sips when Milo:

• Refers to the other team as "they," as opposed to their real name;
• Refers to one of the Astros by their first name;
• Refers to the Astros as a whole as "we" or "us";
• Refers to Roy Oswalt as "Roy-O"
• Adds an "ie" to the name of a player (for example, "Miggie")
• Calls out the Landry's Crawford Boxes

Everyone sips when Milo:

• Invokes "Baggy" or "Bidge";
• Makes a spot ad for a sponsor out to be entirely too exciting;
• Says something condescending to Brett Dolan or Dave Raymond;
• Tries to make a nickname out of a nickname (i.e. "Pudgeie");
• Talks about how wonderful Drayton McLane is;
• Goes off on a tangent about something and misses multiple pitches;
• Calls out the Blue Star Groups--EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM;
• Calls out the HEB sign in right field
  

One person chugs when Milo:

• Refers to Jeff Bagwell as "Jeffery Robert Bagwell";
• Discusses "Milo Hamilton Way", the street named after him outside Minute Maid Park;
• Compares a current ballpark to one torn down before Kennedy was president;
• Gets made fun of by Dave or Brett and he doesn't know it;
• Gives off a "WHOOOA!";
  
• Refers to Manager Cecil Cooper as "Coop" (note: this, if nothing else, will ensure your inebriation)

Everyone chugs when Milo:

• Lets loose with a "HOLY TOLEDO" (note: This includes commercials);
• Gives out a blue star for a good defensive play;
• Gives a shout out to non-existent people (like "Mitch Buchanan" and "C.J. Parker," which he did last year);
• Says something that can be construed as racist or sexist (more likely sexist);
• Gives a shout out to "Our Flagship, Newsradio 740, KTRH";
• DESCRIBES AN ENTIRE PLAY AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED (This is also a critical element in the Dave South drinking game)