The Bible, Redneck-style

(This blog is a joint work by Momma Pug and The Aggie. We'd like to thank our Lord and Savior for the opportunity to compile it.)

"I'm comin' back for y'all, but ya ain't gonna know the day or hour, ya hear?"--Jesus

A couple of days ago, we were in an antique shop here in Pearland looking for buttons for Momma Pug's rag monsters when we ran across something interesting. It was a picture of Jesus, with a Bible verse below it. But what was striking was the painting of Christ--he wasn't kind and gentle-looking; he was stern and foreboding. He also looked an awful lot like Merle Haggard.

Both of us were kind of shocked. We thought, what the heck kind of house puts up a picture that puts up a picture of Jesus Christ that looks not unlike this:


Then we figured it out--it could only be in the home of a redneck. It is a household that has a Bible with characters looking like the following:

God, the Father, Ruler of Heaven and Earth:

The Blessed Virgin Mary:

Joseph, the worldly father of Jesus:

Mary Magdalene:

Satan, creator of all that is evil:

Adam and Eve, the first couple to inhabit Earth:

Abraham, the leader of the tribe of Israel:


Moses, who led his people out of the wilderness to the Holy Land:

John the Baptist, who came to make the way of the Lord:


The Three Wise Men:



The Good Shepherds:

The Blessed Apostles, also known as "Willie and Waylon and The Boys"

(yes, both of them)





(yes, all of them)

The Apostle Paul:

What does Heaven look like?
Like Branson, Missouri!

And hell?


Some of the people you'll see on the streets of Heaven include Stonewall Jackson, Reba McEntire, Ronald Reagan, Vince Gill, George Strait, Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, George Jones and Tammy Wynette.

Now y'all praise the Lord.