I hereby propose ejecting Minnesota from the Union

My fellow Amarcans,

We have a problem. That problem is the pseudo-Canadian province of Minnesota. It is a disgrace to this nation--so disgraceful, I submit, that its membership in this greatest of nations should be eliminated.

Let us be clear on what Minnesota has brought us of late (and, once you're expelled, we're seizing the Mayo Clinic, so let's just be honest on that):

• The Metrodome
• Walter Mondale
• Kevin McHale, inept coach (twice)
• Stuart Smalley, United States Senator.

Ok, let's be honest here. Al Franken didn't win the election. He lost to Norm Coleman. So he stole it, with the help of the state's DFL (Democrat Farm and Labor, not Dumb F**king Liberal--get your mind out of the gutter) apparatus that runs the secretary of state and vote canvassing operations.

Hi, I'm a no-talent ass-clown rageaholic that can't get a job in Hollywood anymore, so I'll be your Senator, mmmkay? Yeah.

Stuart Smalley is probably going to be a Senator because the DFLs in Minnesota can't even steal an election right. They should learn from their neighbors in Illinois, who do a much better job of it (Blago the Mad notwithstanding). So how did this no-tax paying, porn writing jackoff go from 200-plus votes down to 225 up? Consider the following:

• 133 "missing" ballots from a Minneapolis (i.e. heavy DFL) precinct that were included in the recount. The odds are that these "missing" ballots never existed and were double-counts. The canvassing board let them in anyway. Guess who they went to?
• Other ballots for Stuart Smalley mysteriously appeared from a heavily Democratic suburban St. Paul precinct well AFTER election night. They were "locked in the trunk" of a precinct judge's car. Yeah, right. But they were also included in the recount.
• 130 absentee ballots have been double-counted in Franken's favor.
• 650 OTHER, improperly rejected absentee ballots identified by the Coleman campaign that were excluded in the recount. That was, of course, because they went to Coleman. Most of them are from military voters. Once again, the Dems show their love for the GI.

That's not even getting into the votes that were painfully obviously for Coleman that the recount idiots rejected (as in, ALL other nominees are x'd out; Coleman's bubble is circled. That's "unclear").

Once the election was over, Stuart Smalley and imbiciles like Harry Reid and Chuckles Schumer said we had to "count every vote". Sound familiar? Like another nimrod in 2000, Smalley wanted the count stopped as soon as he had the lead, which is exactly what the DFL made sure happened.

So, barring a judicial miracle (or common frigging sense), the most disgraceful U.S. Senator in the history of the institution (and that's saying something) will be seated from Minnesota. Great. Thanks.

So let's get rid of them. It won't hurt Harry Reid much, because he'll still have a very nice majority. Maybe we can annex Iraq (even though those Senate seats would skew GOP) to fill the void.

Minnesota: home of snow, hockey, more snow, Prince and election fraud. Something to be proud of all the way arooound, dontchaknow? So let us be resolved: you seat Stuart Smalley, we unseat you. Go your own way with your 10,000 lakes and Duluth. We've had enough bad moves on your part to last a lifetime.

May God bless you, gentle reader, and the 49 United States of America.

Oh, and California? Your ass is next.