The Ike Chronicles: Houston Chronicle says 400 people still missing

Last week, in this space, a post was made saying that at least 400 people were missing in the wake of Hurricane Ike. A story in the Houston Chronicle (http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/morenews/6027458.html) today (Sunday) seems to pick up on this:

Gail Ettenger made her last phone call at 10:10 p.m. She was trapped in her Bolivar Peninsula bungalow with her Great Dane, Reba. A drowning cat cried outside. Her Jeep bobbed in the seawater surging around her home.

Ettenger, 58, told her friend she was reading old love letters by flashlight. "I think I really screwed up this time," she said, according to Monroe Burks, Ettenger's neighbor who had evacuated to Houston.

That was Friday, Sept 12. On Wednesday — 12 days later — her nearly nude body was found face down by a huge debris pile in a remote mosquito-ridden marsh in Chambers County, about 10 miles inland from where her gray beach house once stood.

Two weeks after Hurricane Ike swept through the Texas coast, 400 people remain missing, mostly from Galveston County, according to an analysis of calls logged to a hot line set up by the nonprofit Laura Recovery Center to assist local authorities.

Until Wednesday, Ettenger was one of them.


Editor's note: The low death toll you've been hearing about isn't going to stick.

Fire the editor

The Ike Chronicles: Ike 3, Fences 0, Me broke and broken

Ever try to hang an 8-foot long 2-by-four evenly five and a half feet off the ground by yourself?

Advice: Don't. It sucks worse than the new 90210 show (which, in the interest of fairness, may not be accurate. I haven't watched it -- but I'll take my chances).

I know what you're thinking, and you're right (ok, ok, there are going to be a lot TV references in this post. Cross Magnum P.I. off the list). Why am I doing that on my own?

Because I'm self-employed. Because nobody downtown is open to work with. There's no humidity. And, if I wait for the damned insurance adjuster to show up, guesstimate the cost and then hire someone to do it, Sarah Palin could be starting her second term in office. As president, not governor.

More importantly, I want to keep the dogs across the way out of the yard. No need to ask who let the dogs out, because, in this case, we already know.

The folks across the way have four dogs. Two of them are boxers and one, I think, is a pit. The other is a chihuahua, which, considering the other three, I have nicknamed "lunch." They have a nasty habit of letting the dogs run free, including out in the street when they go to work. Seen them do it, couldn't believe it, but didn't do anything at the time (now two years ago).

Since then, they've come to the intersection of the where our fence used to meet theirs (they're caddy-corner to us, to give you an idea) and growl at Ripken and Deuce. Deuce, being 13 pounds of FURY, tried to chew through the fence to get at them. I don't think he realized that he'd be nicknamed "nice after dinner apertif" if he ever got through. Ripken just sort of stood there, confused by all the anger and rage and wondering why we all can't just get along.

Sonny couldn't be bothered.

Then Ike came and all the fences went down faster than Meredith Grey after a night out with McDreamy. (Note: God, I hate that show.)

It's been two weeks now, and none of my neighbors have seen an adjuster. No shock; they have much bigger things to do right now. We still have homes, after all. But, as a result, not much is going on in terms of fence repair.

We got our wakeup call last Saturday, as I was watching the A&M-Miami game. Yes, once again, I know what you're thinking and you're right: I was in a bad mood. It got worse when the Razorback, who was staying with us at the time, asked me if I knew who owned two boxers, as they were standing at our back door.

Oh, no. Homey don't play that.

I went across the way, through the devastation of their backyard (which, two weeks later, remains untouched, sort of like the mess in Jim Rockford's trailer) and knocked on their front door. Nobody home. This was not too much of a shock, because my 86-year-old next door neighbor had told me these folks like to let the dogs run free and then won't answer the door when you come to complain. And yes, they had tried to get at the old lady, and the owners had done nothing.

So I called animal control and asked them to do to them what Miami was doing to the Ags. I don't think that happened, but I do know that the dogs were suddenly being held in a confined space. The next morning, jerkoff male comes outside while I'm in the backyard cleaning up and glares. Jerkoff female is right behind him, also glaring. I waved at them like Bob the Enzyte Guy and went about my business.

Still, fence needs putting up. Razorback and I put up the big posts Monday, then he got power and went home. On all three sides of us, we have single women, all of whom think that I'm A) God's gift because I cut down the old fence and B) Because they think I'm going to put the new one up for them.

Great. But never let your public down, right?

As it stands now, I've spent $400 on big posts, 2-by-4s, quickcrete, nails and planks. And I've got one 8-foot section totally done.

What have I got for my trouble? A huge blister on my right pointer finger, a sore right shoulder and BOTH knuckles on my left pointer finger are broken. If you ever have any idea about being a man or woman who works outside, is one with the land is a master of small industry, slamming a hammer into your finger will cure you of that real quick.

So, my plan was to put up the fences on my own and save beaucoup bucks. That remains my plan.

I love it when a plan comes together. If this one does remains in doubt.

Hurricane Ike death toll likely to increase

A lot of people in the last few days have read Momma Pug's blog talking about the death toll from Hurricane Ike. In that time, we've read one story from the Houston Chronicle that seemed almost pointedly directed at insulting her blog and mocking the idea that the death toll is much higher than has been reported. In the meantime, reports from firemen continue to indicate otherwise.

Tonight, I heard that there are upwards of 400 people missing and unaccounted for on Galveston Island alone. This came from a firefighter. This isn't people who left and haven't come back to check on their homes; this is people who didn't leave and are now, mysteriously, absent.

Most of these people, it would appear, are on the east end of the island. The firefighters have also reported that refrigerator trucks have been moved to Galveston to hold the bodies, which makes sense--we've seen them on the roads with police escorts.

There are parts of the island that remain blocked off to everyone, and those areas are being described as "polluted" by dead bodies.

This doesn't even count Bolivar Peninsula, where God knows how many people were washed into the sea.

Now, I'm sure that the local authorities are trying to keep this quiet to keep people from freaking out. But they ought to understand that there's not a whole lot of pity for people who knew the storm was coming and decided to stare down the barrel of a shotgun. It's hard to pity the foolish.

Now, speaking of foolish, where's the reporting on all of this? Nary a peep. Quality job, media. Too busy trying to figure out whether Sarah Palin's got an incestuous love child or something?

Update: Bud Selig and Drayton McLane still suck

Last week, Major League Baseball decided to take the exhausted and essentially homeless Houston Astros, who were supposed to play their most important home series of the year against the Chicago Cubs right after Hurricane Ike blew through, and moved the series to Milwaukee.

Let me elaborate: "Major League Baseball" means Commissioner Bud Selig, who ordered the move, and Astros owner Drayton McLane, who rolled over and allowed it to happen.

The Astros were promptly obliterated in their "home" games, getting no-hit in the first and scoring once in the second of the abbreviated two-game set. This pretty much killed any chance they had at stealing the NL Wildcard.

A few of the 'Stros rightfully called bullshit on this move and the fan base is rightfully infuriated. In a half-assed "Sorry, but not really" move, Selig took out a full-page ad in the Houston Chronicle Sunday.

Here are portions of it, with my comments interspersed.

Dear Fans,

On behalf of Major League Baseball, I want to express my profound sorrow to those of you who suffered through the devastation wrought by Hurricane Ike. (Yeah, whatever. It helped make sure a bigger market team--or your team, the Brewers--made the playoffs)It was a horrific storm and all of us at Major League Baseball are aware of the enormity of it and the destruction and displacement that it caused. While it is insignificant in comparison to the havoc that was taking place in Southeast Texas, the storm also created a scheduling dilemma for Major League Baseball. (Yeah, watch us cry real big friggin' tears for your "scheduling dilemma," jerkoff.)

I am well aware that many fans of the Houston Astros thought it unfair that we moved two of the three games of the Houston - Chicago series to Milwaukee.(Damn straight, you sniveling jackass.) I understand your unhappiness and frustration and I regret that such a decision had to be made. (No, you don't. That's condescending bullshit.) Our first obligation is to the health and welfare of our fans and players, and our second is to complete the Major League schedule, which is no easy task when you consider Houston had to play the remaining 15 games in the final 16 days of the season. Also, we were faced with a complex set of scheduling rules as well as the involvement of several different constituencies. (Try appealing to the constituency that matters, Bud and Drayton: Astros fans. The Dell Diamond was available in Round Rock and hotel rooms were available. You'll play games in Puerto Rico and Disney World, but not at Dell Diamond?)

We carefully analyzed all of our options.(Suuuure, you did.) For three days, we were in constant contact with three different weather services and ultimately came to the conclusion that the only viable option was to move two games to a stadium with a dome where the games were guranteed to be played. That decision led us to Milwaukee. (Dell Diamond is still available. Nice
weather in Round Rock last weekend, too. So spare us the "that led us to Milwaukee" bullshit.)

Throughout our discussions with the weather experts over the three-day period, we learned there were serious weather concerns in other cities with available outdoor ball parks and were advised by the experts not to reschedule the games at those sites. (No Round Rock, there, Bud?) Complicating the matter was the fact that the domed stadiums in Minnesota, Phoenix and the Tampa Bay area were unavailable due to previous scheduling conflicts. Also, we did not think it was fair to play games on the West Coast, given the fact Houston would have had to travel across country to Miami to begin a series there the following Tuesday. The only option that remained was Milwaukee. (Crickets at Dell Diamond.)

In making the decision to play there, I recognized the advantage the Cubs would have in playing in such close proximity to Chicago and had there been a better option, I would have taken it.(Bullshit.) All of us involved in the decision regret the frustration the Astros and their fans felt about playing two games in Milwaukee. (Bullshit squared.)

As Commissioner, my job is to balance many competing needs, while also finishing the season on time so the Postseason can begin as scheduled. Hurricane Ike disrupted many things, including the baseball schedule and I regret its impact on Astros fans. I have heard your complaints and I understand the impact this storm has had on the lives of Texans and Houston-area residents in particular. (Whatever. You couldn't care less. Neither could McLane, which is even more disgraceful. He should sell the team.)

Overall comment: Piss on my shoes and tell me it's raining, Bud. Then you and Drayton can go right to hell.

UFC just got gayer

For lack of anything else to do, our halfway house of 9 people and 9 more animals are watching UFC, if for nothing else to make fun of it.

And, I kid you not, one dude has an ad on his trunks for Condomdepot.com.

ON HIS ASS.

Lube it up, boyfriend.

Hurricane Ike Damage Report

Since our respective spouses had to go to this place called "work" today (ah, the benefits of being your own boss), Tree and I decided to take a drive east and check out the damage caused by Hurricane Ike in Friendswood, League City, Clear Lake and Kemah.

It would suffice to say that we were surprised by the damage--or, the lack thereof. There was virtually none in Friendswood and not much more as you headed east until you got about a mile from the water.

The area around the Kemah Boardwalk, predictably, was devastated. Some of the houses within a half-mile area showed no signs of wind damage, but were wrecked by flooding. Outside of that, there wasn't much.

In fact, there is much, much more damage in Pearland than anywhere else I've seen to this point. You'll see some uprooted trees and punched out signs everywhere, but there are more downed fences and damaged roofs in our area than anywhere else. All of this makes me think that we either got hit by really, really heavy storms or we got nailed by something tornadic. The damage around here is serious; elsewhere (and, admittedly, we didn't go far off the main drags), not so much.

I can't understand how we got power back before these other folks. But I'm not going to complain about it.

Fire the editor

A&M must start Jerrod Johnson

Jerrod Johnson should start against Miami and for the rest of the season because, simply put, he gives the Aggies the best chance to win. This is the case for the following reasons:

* HE MAKES BETTER DECISIONS. In the Arkie State debacle, McGee was on the hook for, I believe, three turnovers. I know for certain he threw two interceptions, both of which were critical errors. Maybe it's the fault of Fran, maybe it's the fault of McGee, but he does not make the right throws with alarming frequency. Much like David Carr, he stares down one receiver and never looks off a defender, leading to deflections or interceptions. He's also far too content to dump the ball off instead of going down the field. McGee shows poor judgment and, to make matters worse, appears to be aware of his bad judgment.
Johnson, on the other hand, stood in the pocket with poise, read the defense and made the correct throws. He went through his progression, looked off defenders and then made, for the most part, an accurate throw. McGee has yet to show that ability at any point in his career. Also, it was nice to see a quarterback without happy feet.

HE HAS THE NECESSARY MOBILITY: Let's face it; our offensive line is subpar at best. Miami has the speed and athletic ability to cream it. The only way we're going to stay in this game is if the quarterback has the ability to make plays on the move. McGee doesn't have that level of mobility on his best day, and he's certainly not with a busted shoulder. Johnson is far more athletic and mobile, assets we're surely going to need.

HE GETS THE OFFENSE: McGee looks like he has Carr's disease-- it doesn't matter what's going on around him, he reverts to old, bad habits. He's not accurate, his timing is poor and, as for the rest, see above. Johnson showed a grasp of the offense during his stint against UNM that McGee has not. Maybe that sample size is small, but the stats (22 of 32, 190, 0 TDs, 2 INT vs. 10 of 19, 124, 3 TDs and no picks) speak for themselves.

Also, McGee holds on to the ball much too long. There comes a point where you have to get rid of the ball or get out of the pocket. He seems to lack that mental alarm clock that tells him it's time to go. Johnson has it.

HE'S GOT THE BETTER ARM: The only way we're going to get people to pull 8 or 9 men out of the box, which will allow our short passing game and running game to operate easier, is to show the ability to throw the ball down the field. I'm not even going to compare the two on this issue.

I'm sorry that Stephen McGee got hurt. I was also sorry when Mark Farris got hurt/was ineffective. But, this is business and it's nut-cutting time. Jerrod Johnson gives us our best chance--maybe our only chance--to beat Miami and be successful in conference.

A response to a racist idiot columnist named Fatimah Ali

Apologies for yet another political post, but this woman really pissed me off. If you read her columns, you'll see why.

Some less than intelligent woman named Fatimah Ali writes a column for the Philadelphia Daily News. She is 100 percent in the tank for Barack Obama (shock, shock), to the point that she said there'd be a race war if he lost the election.

Seriously.

From her Sept. 9 column:

"If McCain wins, look for a full-fledged race and class war, fueled by a deflated and depressed country, soaring crime, homelessness - and hopelessness!"

What a nitwit. Of course, some folks responded to her moronic missive (which included boasts about how Obama's going to cut taxes for 95 percent of the population) a little harshly. So, this week, she wrote a column about how the race war is underway and how whitey is just evilmeanbadKlan.

This time, it got under my skin. So I crafted this response:

Ms. Ali:

It was with a mixture of amusement and revulsion that I read your column of today (Sept. 16)'s date. It should be remembered for a long time -- not for your quality writing or any prescient points, but for the arrogant, out-of-touch manner of its author.

Madam, your original column was an irresponsible disgrace. You repeatedly refer to the Obama campaign's talking points without once checking them for accuracy. In fact, most of them are not. The idea that Sen. Obama would cut taxes for anyone is hilarious and farcical on its face. Your "tax cut" would be a handout, an extension of the welfare system. In your liberal mindset, this neo-socialist approach, I have no doubt, is splendid, but for the large portion of the American people, it is not.

Your lame defense of Obama's foolish, idealistic policy ideas were only half as stupid as this comment: If McCain wins, look for a full-fledged race and class war, fueled by a deflated and depressed country, soaring crime, homelessness - and hopelessness!

Madam, I'm sure that behind your ivy covered walls and up in your ivory tower, that you do think that the rest of the nation is going to hell. This makes you as naive and, frankly, idiotic as the cocktail crowd in New York City who were stunned when Ronald Reagan won 49 of 50 states, because nobody they know voted for him! Your latest column is confirmation that you live in an echo chamber and have disdain for those not from the east or west coasts, didn't go to an ivy league university, or, simply, think in a manner that varies from your "thought process" in any way shape or form.

So you got hate mail. I'm deeply moved. I used to be a reporter and columnist and received copious quantities of hate mail, some from African-Americans. At no point did I think that this was the byproduct of a racist society. Instead, I looked past foolish generalities and placed responsibility on the individual -- a concept you disdain politically and seem incapable of doing personally.

Do you really not understand why you got hate mail? It probably has to do with the fact that most people consider your column (now, columns), arrogant, condescending and a prime example of race-baiting. When your side loses in November, There will be no race and class war; this is not 1917 Russia. It is not Watts of 1968. This is NOT a depressed country -- if you had the ability to do research, which seems highly questionable in this point, you would see that the nation's GDP GREW last quarter, which eliminates the concept of a "depressed" economy. Homelessness is at a lower level than under the "first black president", William J. Clinton, but you decline to mention that, though it's not surprising. It's a classic liberal whining point. Instead of thinking out an argument, you emote one.

Had you thought out your argument, you would realize that there a lot of people in this country who understand that there will be bumps in the road, but are a lot more happy about their lot than they were under Jimmy Carter or, for that matter, Bill Clinton. They are optimistic about victory coming sooner than later in Iraq (you would be too if you could bring yourself to do so or even read reports from that nation) and believe that our economy is strong enough to endure the setbacks caused by the foolish. Also, the large proportion of the population is not racist; indeed, they have achieved Dr. King's dream of seeing people not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. You, however, have not met them, because they don't hang out in the Philadelphia quiche and chardonnay circuit.

I am sorry that you received racially charged E-mail. I am more sorry, however, that you feel that using race as a tool to propagate hatred is an acceptable method to stir Sen. Obama's talking points into a column. I am also unsurprised that you want to go hide in a bunker, because you won't hear views contrary to your naive, foolish and utterly absurd beliefs.

Very truly yours.


(Of course, when you send the E-mail, Ms. In the Bunker has closed that Yahoo account. So she's not only a moron, she's a wimp.)

A little tour of Hurricane Ike damage in Pearland

Here's a scenic view of my banana trees, which were torn up by Ike. This picture was taken 20 minutes before I cut them all down and threw them out. Good riddance.


Four days ago, this would have been a picture of an old fence. Today, it's a view of two of my neighbors' yards, as the fence is blown down. If you take a look down at the end, neighbor 2 had his shed crushed by a large branch. Ouch.


Back when she had privacy and electricity, I'll bet my neighbor liked to hang out in her jacuzzi. Now that she has neither, she's using it is a washer. Hope it's not highly chlorinated.


The house shown here is much bigger, nicer, new and more expensive than ours. It's also in need of a new roof. Unfortunately, they're not the only ones.


A lot of poles holding up power lines were snapped in half like they were toothpicks. If it's this bad in Pearland, I'd hate to see what it's like to the south and east. Maybe, in a few days, we'll go check it out.

The lights are on, but we're not home

Earlier today, Momma Pug and I made the three-hour plus drive from my parents house in Round Rock to our place down in Pearland to see what damage had been done by Hurricane Ike. The trip down was relatively uneventful, though I was impressed by the number of line trucks owned by electric companies that were heading into Houston. We passed several from Oregon, which meant they probably started heading this way before Ike even hit the Galveston shore line.

I didn't know it at the time, but they were joining what has to be close to 10,000 trucks already in Houston working on repairs. I saw a picture on the Houston Chronicle's Web site earlier tonight and it was just astounding.

The closer you got to our house, the more pronounced the damage became. The first sign of damage was in Sealy, some 50 miles from Houston -- a bent goalpost at the high school. By the time we got to Katy, home of the whiniest effete snobs this side of New York City, you started to see a few signs punched out here and there.

By the time we hit the Sam Houston tollway, you got the idea something was up. Broken windows were seen, a few trees had been uprooted and there were obvious power outages. One Wal-Mart had power and gas and had a mile-long line to get in.

Pearland looked like it had taken a hard punch from a big storm -- which, duh, it had. Many houses in our subdivision had devastated roofs, some had their siding ripped off. Tarps were on the top of a lot of houses and downed tree limbs were the norm.

When we got to our house, I was pretty amazed to find that we had next to no damage. Our front door is a little jacked up and we had some water in the entryway, but that was pretty much it.

Well, outside of the back fence being downed in all three directions (you can see pictures of that in the post above).

After getting all our crap together to take back to Round Rock, we looked around town a little. One thing that stuck out to me were the poles holding up power lines that had been snapped like twigs. I figured that, even if we did have running water, there was no way in hell that we'd have power for two weeks.

I had the two right, but the weeks thing was a big...overstated. We had the power back TWO HORUS LATER. Our neighbor called, trying to let us know, but the Houston phone grid is so messed up right now that we didn't get his message, which he sent at 3:45, until 5:30. In fact, I don't know if Momma Pug ever got it on her phone.

It may have had something to do with the massive convoy of cars heading back into Houston as we were heading back west. There was, I shit you not, a 90-mile traffic jam on I-10 heading east.

Ike may have given it his best shot and MLB may have screwed the Astros, but Houston is back in business. And so are the lights at my house.

Another utter f**king disgrace

As you know, I have a bit of an issue with the leadership and a large part of the population of the City of New Orleans. I hate nobody worse than Ray Nagin, who I consider to be one of the most worthless pieces of crap currently residing on the planet.

It's been three years since Katrina. The city of Houston never received so much as a thank you from Nagin or New Orleans city government.

Then, the other day as Hurricane Ike bore down on H-town, Mr. Chocolate City called a press conference. He said now was the time for New Orleans to show its appreciation to Houston with its 15,000 open hotel rooms. He told the people of Houston to come on to Nawlins and ask for the "Ray Nagin rate."

Apparently, a lot of people did -- and got blank stares. The "Ray Nagin rate" DOES NOT EXIST. Typically, it turned out to be a gyp to screw over the people of the city that he had screwed over before.

The head of the New Orleans Tourism Board said the "Nagin rate" was just supposed to be an example of the quality prices of Nawlins hotel rooms, not a real offer. That makes him as full of shit as the city's mayor.

An utter f**king disgrace

I love baseball. I love watching the Astros make a furious charge at the wild card, year after year.

My 'Stros have won 14 of 15 and are officially hell on wheels. Then Ike hit. Minute Maid Park survived with no damage and has power.

So what does Major League Baseball do? MOVES THEIR CURRENT SERIES TO MILWAUKEE.

Who are they playing? THE CHICAGO F**KING CUBS.

In other words, the dumb f**ks in New York have taken three home games from the Astros, three games that could put them in the wild card lead (they're two games back of the Milwaukee Breweres, who are on the road) and, essentially, MADE THEM CHICAGO HOME GAMES.

This is a disgrace. An utter outrage. MMP is ready to go. Let's play ball. Can't do it? How about the Dell Diamond in Round Rock, home of the Astros' AAA affiliate, the Round Rock Express? Or the Ballpark in Arlington?

Nope. Let's take the games out of the hands of the partisan Astros fans and put it right in the lap of the worthless partisan asshole Cubs fans. The Astros are being booed in a "home game."

Oh, by the way, the Commissioner of Major League Baseball used to own what team? THE BREWERS.

Fuck MLB. Go 'Stros.

For the latest news from Houston

This site has all four TV feeds: http://www.maroonspoon.com/wx/ike.html

Darwin quits, goes drinking

Right now, the city of Galveston is getting pounded by Ike. Think about how it would be if Tina couldn't hit a high note. Surf's way up, the seawall's not holding, the trees are crashing down, rain hits like needles...

And three guys just got arrested for looting.

Seriously.

This is amazing! First off, WTF are you doing, looting DURING the hurricane?

"Hey, dude, I got the flatscreen...ok, the wind now has it..."

Also, Galveston Police HAS STOOD DOWN. THEY'RE NOT RESPONDING. Did these guys break into a house filled with cops?

Throw them off the seawall. Cleanse the gene pool.

Preparing for a disaster

With the course of Ike moving very slightly to the east (out over Galveston Bay, as of 9:30 a.m.), it looks like our hometown of Pearland will barely, just barely, be on the less bad side of the storm. Having said that, we're going lose power, almost certainly, and I'm really worried about us losing windows and having problems with the roof. I've already kissed the satellite dish goodbye.

Now, this is child's play compared to what the people in Galveston are already dealing with. Towns like Kemah, Surfside Beach, Dickinson, Texas City and Clear Lake are going to hit by a massive storm surge. We're 16 hours out and the waves are already flying over the seawall in Galveston and I've seen indications that it's happening elsewhere too.

Some people, who left for Rita, have decided to stay. This may well be suicide. One woman in Galveston, with kids aged 5 and 7, are riding it out in the flood area in a one-story home. I would say it is highly likely that they are in the final 24 hours of their lives, and it hurts badly to say that because it's not hyperbole.

Galveston will be devastated by the storm surge. Places on the other side of the bay, like Port Arthur, Winnie and Beaumont, are being largely ignored right now but are going to get absolutely slammed. I'm afraid a lot of those people didn't get out.

Due to the utter incompetence of the Galveston County Judge and the mayor of the city of Galveston, a lot of people in the bull's eye have not recognized the danger they face and have stayed. It's estimated that half of Galveston's population of 60,000 have stayed. The surge that might hit Galveston could wipe out a lot of those people...as the city itself is already flooded.

ABC-13 is reporting that rescue teams tried to get some people in Surfside Beach whose house is already surrounded by water to leave. They refused. There's very little chance those people will get to change their minds. The authorities looked at each other, shook their heads and asked for their names and social security numbers to inform their next of kin.

Katrina is about to get some company, if not get knocked firmly to the sidelines. This will be a disaster of incredible proportions.

In exile

In 2005, Hurricane Rita was a category 5 storm with its sights set on Galveston. So my wife and I, living in downtown Houston, decided to follow millions of other Houstonians and left. It was an utter nightmare, with a 15-hour trip to Mississippi and struggles to find gas.

I swore we'd never do it again. Well, we have.

Momma Pug, Rippy, Sonny, Deuce and Gert are in Round Rock, having bailed out last night. After the course moved to the north, near Freeport (which would have put Pearland basically just to the dirty side of the eye, the worst possible place), we decided it was time to go. Momma Pug and I put up boards on the windows facing the back yard, packed up our stuff and left at 12:30 in the morning.

We made it at 4 this morning. Even though it was an utter pain in the ass, we knew that, if we waited, having three dogs and a cat in a massive traffic jam would be much, much worse.

Now, having made a big deal about why Houstonians are less than happy dealing with New Orleans evacuees these days, I made darned sure that I behaved myself and that the dogs were under control. Nobody needs to put up with the Post-Katrina crap we did, and I'll be darned if I was going to be a hypocrite like that.

BTW, I just saw Ray Nagin offering up the hotel rooms of New Orleans to the good people of Houston. He was telling them to ask for the "Ray Nagin Special," so one does wonder if that would just apply to those of the chocolate "flavor." Also, if Nagin wants to "repay" the people of Houston, if someone came into one of those hotel rooms with a Houston-area license, those damned rooms would be FREE.

But, anyway, back to the main point. We're out and we're safe. So why do I feel so miserable?

I think it has something to do with this: I'm not at my home. I feel like I abandoned it. I see things in the backyard becoming projectiles, slamming into windows and breaking them. Rain flooding the upstairs, ruining our TV, my sports momentos and everything else. There's even a chance of a tornado, of course. That's not to even mention the power outages that are almost certain.

I'm really scared, illogically, that nothing's going to be like it was before.

I want to be there, defending my turf. Instead, I'm in Round Rock. And feel like a loser.

I love my house, I love my town and I love our region. I've gotten to the point where I don't like anyplace else, really. To think we might lose it is terrifying.

Screw you, Ike. I hope that the guess that they're giving, that we'll have 66 mile an hour winds (non-gust) is about right. Then we should do ok.

Oprah! Oprah! I got one!

Do you know of a woman with an interesting job, successfully juggling her personal and professional lives? Oprah would like to know about it! See her Web site...


Please note: being the mother of five AND a candidate for Vice President of the United States does NOT qualify as "an unusual job for a woman."

Also please note: At this time (9 a.m. Central), the link to "Do you have an unusual job for a woman?" is dead. I wonder why...

I can't stand Michael Bourn

Michael Bourn just got a hit. Then he just stole second. He has 37 steals, leading the Astros and one of the best in the league.

He's also hitting .222. He drives me utterly freaking insane.

More than a few people have accused me of being overly loyal to a bunch of Astros, like Brad Lidge, Morgan Ensberg and Jason Lane. Well, I have an excuse: I know those guys. And, it turns out that I was dead right about being patient with Lidge, who has kicked ass in Philly.

Ok, Morgan and Lane have sucked. But I was also right about not wanting to trade Luke Scott, who has become a badass.

There have been other guys I have been less patient with, like Brad Ausmus (Autoout 1) and Adam Everett (Autoout 2). But nobody draws my ire like Bourn.

This guy drives me nucking futs.

It probably has to do with the idea that Ed Wade thought it was a splendid idea to trade Lidge for Bourn straight up. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that Bourn has tremendous speed, a great throwing arm...everything but THE ABILITY TO HIT THE BALL!

If you've seen Major League, you know who Willie Mays Hayes was. Mays was the blazing fast center fielder who needed to learn to hit.

"You may run like Mays, but you hit like shit," Manager Lou Brown told Hayes. "With your speed, you should be hitting the ball on the ground and legging out singles."

If Hayes hit the ball in the air, he owed Brown 20 pushups.

At the next-to-last preseason game this year, I loudly spoke (we were close enough to actually "loudly speak") that line to Bourn, who laughed.

Yeah, well, if he'd been paying attention, he'd have the largest fucking biceps this side of Ahnold. Homeboy hits one popup after another after another. He's been a freaking black hole in the lineup for most of the year, leading to the re-emergence of Darin Erstad.

Now that the 'Stros have made a run at getting back into the playoff hunt, I hate to think how many critical at-bats Bourn has thrown away this season. And he just doesn't learn.

I've learned my lesson. I've pulled the plug on Bourn. Of course, nobody's listening to me, so when Bourn's out in center next opening day, I'll just sigh and vomit.

Throwing money at the problem

Last night, we got a good look at the weather forecast -- in particular, the path for Hurricane Ike. It wasn't a good one for us. In fact, it seemed like we were the bull's eye.

So my dad and I went over to the hated Home Depot to get plywood. For a change, there was actually some semblance of customer service -- probably because management sees a ripoff...ERR, money-making opportunity. In any case, there were stacks of plywood set by the door and a manager helping customers grab sheets to take home.

Apparently, we were a little slow off the draw and all the crappy plywood was gone. So we ended up getting sheets that were a half-inch thick and cost $21.84 A SHEET.

Sheet, indeed.

I blew the $25 "We're sorry we suck, take a bribe" gift card Home Depot's Corporate Office in Bangalore sent me...and another $84. But, after a rather complicated trip home (the sheets went out the back of the Trailblazer), we made it home. We got the sheets into the garage and went inside.

And, lo and behold, Ike's path shifted south while we were at the GD HD.

Thus, I have determined that the U.S. Government may be correct--if you've got a problem, recklessly throw money at it. It may work out for you.

Note to Ike: I know you've got a couple more days to change your mind, but don't play with me. I really don't want to throw any more cash away.

al-Qaida does not like this site

A couple of days ago, I posted a little blurb entitled "the biggest news you missed this week", detailing the U.S. assault on a town in North Waziristan.

This morning, I took a look at Google Analytics for the site (which, btw, is some seriously cool stuff). I was intrigued to see that it had received a hit from Pakistan -- to be precise, the capital, Islamabad.

A few minutes later, an E-mail confirmed the visit and that the visitor was a worthless terrorist scumbag--or, at best, a supporter of the worthless terrorist scumbags.

Dear Fucking Kuffar Fag
You think your Zionist American killers can stop the mujahadeen? you are a jew-loving fag. The mighty mujahadeen will crush you fags, just like they have in Iraq and Afghanistan already.
Your jew-loving Bush and the defense secretary are going to die just like your zionist soldiers that are facing the lions of Islam! you may be special to know the code name of gates, but you are stupid. You are going to die before the banner of Islam and sheik Osama.
Fuck you American zionist fag. Praise to Allah

Well, I'm glad he didn't hold anything back. I'd hate for him to leave the site angry.

So I wrote him back:

Dear Hajji:
Thank you for your lovely note. I have forwarded it to the CIA so they can target you specifically with a Predator drone. I expect you will be dead shortly.

Before you die, though, a few things to fill you in on. Your lions of Islam have been defeated in Iraq and are dying by the score in Afghanistan. If the United States decides to do so, you will die in Pakistan the very same way. But, I think the President will leave you to the Indians, who will butcher you and feed you to dogs. It will be a delightful sight.

Yes, I am extremely well connected. I, and about 100,000 other people, are the only ones to know Secretary Gates' screen name on Texags.com. I am also connected enough to know your punctuation sucks and your support of people who kill women and children for fun shows you to be really, really dumb. But I digress. You'll be dead before you can change your disgusting ways.

Yours in Christ Jesus,
The Aggie

Another ouch for the liberals

This comes from a column written by Rick Shenkman, associate professor of history at George Mason University in Virgina, which appeared in today (Monday)'s Washington Post:

2. Bill O'Reilly's viewers are dumber than Jon Stewart's.

Liberals wish. Democrats like to think that voters who sympathize with their views are smarter than those who vote Republican. But a 2007 Pew survey found that the knowledge level of viewers of the right-wing, blustery "The O'Reilly Factor" and the left-wing, snarky "The Daily Show" is comparable, with about 54 percent of the shows' politicized viewers scoring in the "high knowledge" category.

So what about conservative talk-radio titan Rush Limbaugh's audience? Surely the ditto-heads are dumb, right? Actually, according to a survey by the Annenberg Public Policy Center, Rush's listeners are better educated and "more knowledgeable about politics and social issues" than the average voter.

5. Young voters are paying a lot of attention to the news.

Again, no. Despite all the hoopla about young voters -- the great hope of the future! -- only one news story in 2001 drew the attention of a majority of them: 9/11. Some 60 percent of young voters told Pew researchers that they were following news about the attack closely. (Er -- 40 percent weren't?) But none of the other stories that year seemed particularly interesting to them. Only 32 percent said that they followed the news about the anthrax attacks or the economy, then in recession. The capture of Kabul from the Taliban? Just 20 percent.

Six years later, Pew again measured public knowledge of current events and found that the young (aged 18 to 29) "know the least." A majority of young respondents scored in the "low knowledge" category -- the only demographic group to do so.

And some other statistics are even more alarming. How many young people read newspapers? Just 20 percent. (Worse, studies consistently show that people who do not pick up the newspaper-reading habit in their 20s rarely do so later.) But surely today's youth are getting their news from the Internet? Sorry. Only 11 percent of the young report that they regularly surf the Internet for news. Maybe Obama shouldn't be relying on savvy young voters after all.

My thoughts: This is very bad for the Obamination and his followers, as it shows that conservatives aren't the idiots they're prejudiced to think they are and that younger voters are, in the newly hip political word, "retarded." They'll probably think that, since they've heard all this hype about the great Obamination, they won't have to go vote -- and it'll contribute to his losing.

The Olbermann Award for last week goes to...

Keith Olbermann himself!

It's been delivered today in honor of MSNBC, as it's a couple of days late and several bucks short every time it goes on the air.

Olbermann made himself out to be an even bigger jackass than usual at the Republican National Convention, insulting other MSNBC hosts like Joe Scarborough and Chris Matthews -- WHILE ON THE AIR. He was also caught firing off a couple of wonderfully profane comments on an open mic and demanding that a GOP activist be kicked off the air.

Well, not even MSNBC could ignore the performance of Olbermann at the RNC, which would have been simply perfect on Fidel Castro's network. He and Matthews have gotten the boot from anchoring anything political (note: Matthews is a highly regarded, universal asshole, so he shouldn't be overlooked) and replaced by David Gregory, who, while hardly even, doesn't need to be institutionalized.

MSNBC has staked their future on Olbermann, but still gets its ass kicked nightly by Fox. But he has brought a lot of attention to the network, beyond the flak he gets here. In fact, he's the subject of a story in the New York Times today, which basically labels him as a lunatic and the MSNBC crowd as a bunch of raving, raging incompetents.

Another story, in National Review, is also unflattering. A line they didn't use (but had the option to, and I wish they had) came from an MSNBC employee: "Eventually, Ketih is going to crack under the weight of his own insanity."

Am I the only one that can see Olbermann in a padded cell, counting the hairs on his teddy bear and muttering things about George W. Bush?

Liberals, try harder. Seriously.

Liberal friend: "There's a group called 'I have more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin.' I joined it. Hahaha. You guys sure picked a lousy VP."

Me: "You have more experience than Sarah Palin? I'm impressed."

Friend: Why?

Me: I had no idea you had experience with negotiating treaties on fishing, drilling, drawing lines for international waters, airspace and things like that."

Friend: ???

Me: Who are Alaska's immediate neighbors?

Friend: It doesn't have any.

Me: Wrong, genius. It doesn't border any states. It borders two large sovereign nations, Canada and Russia. The governor of the state of Alaska is involved in any treaty involving those foreign nations, as well as the operation of pipelines stretching from Canada into Alaska. Russian aircraft routinely breach U.S. -- Alaskan -- airspace and, sometimes, the Alaska Air National Guard has to intercept them. The Alaska National Guard has also been deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq. Guess who's their commander-in-chief?

Friend: Are you seriously mentioning this?

Me: Yes, I am. I'm also mentioning that Anchorage's airport is one of the most important international airports in the world. Guess who has oversight over that as well.

Friend: Whatever.

Me: Yeah, that's all you've got. Joe Biden may have the most foreign policy experience, but John McCain is right behind him. Palin has more executive experience in two years than all the rest combined. Guess who has absolutely no foreign policy experience? Oh, that's right -- Obama. Your presidential candidate.

Friend: He lived overseas!

Me: So did I! For longer than Obama did! Does that qualify me to be president?

Friend: No.

Me: I guess that community organizer experience makes the difference. Or was it that catchy speech he gave in 2004?

Friend: Whatever.

Me: You don't have a point. You liberals don't have a clue. You'll have to try harder, because the facts are not on your side.

Irony

So I'm here in the press box at Cougar High, covering the Houston Dynamo-Kansas City Wizards MLS game.

I'm following the Astros game on the computer, as, apparently, someone else is.

"Wandy Rodriguez is out," one reporter said, noting the Astros' pitcher's injury.

"You're actually watching the Astros?" some smartass said. "You couldn't pay me to watch that."

Dude, you're at a soccer game. You jizz if there's ONE scoring play.

Oh, and you're from Kansas City, a town where all three major franchises (Chiefs, Royals and Wizards) blow.

Shut up and put your head down, jackhole.

The biggest news you missed this week

Almost all of the headlines this week had to do with two things: hurricanes or the Republican National Convention. The one that could have the most long-term implications, both here at home and internationally, slipped under the radar screen.

What it said:

"U.S. forces attack safehouse in South Waziristan; 15 killed"

What it means:

We're hunting.

But we're not just on the prowl for anything; America's top anti-terrorist units have their sights set on something -- or someone -- in particular. And President Bush has taken the gloves off.

What happened:

Early on the morning of Sept. 3 Pakistan time, U.S. helicopters landed in the small town of Musa Nikow. "People on the scene" told the AP that 15 people, including women and children, were killed rapidly, then the Americans got back on the choppers and left. Pakistani intelligence says no civilians were killed and the death toll was 19. Not shockingly, U.S. forces aren't talking much.

Musa Nikow is a mile or so inside Pakistani territory, which has been off limits to U.S. forces since 9/11/01. Having said that, there were no navigational errors involved in the raid. U.S. troops knew exactly where they were when they went in.

So why take such a risky action, when blowing up houses (or people) with Predators provides plausible deniability with no possible loss of life?

Probably because we were after a high-value target.

From the outstanding site Longwarjournal.com:

"The US military command in Afghanistan can plausibly deny its forces were involved in such a raid, as the operation have been carried out by Special Forces teams. Task Force 88, the hunter-killer teams assigned to take down al Qaeda and the Taliban's command structure, does not report to the conventional command in Afghanistan.

A raid of this nature - the insertion of US special operations team inside Pakistani territory - is rare. This would be only the second reported raid of this nature since 2006. Nearly every other attack was conducted by unmanned US Predator aircraft or missile strikes from Afghanistan.

US special operation teams raided an al Qaeda camp in Danda Saidgai in North Waziristan in March 2006. The camp was run by the Black Guard, the al Qaeda elite praetorian guard for Osama bin Laden, Ayman al Zawahiri, and other senior al Qaeda leaders.

The air assault resulted in the death of Imam Asad and several dozen members of the Black Guard. In addition to being the camp commander, Asad was a senior Chechen al Qaeda commander and associate of Shamil Basayev, the Chechen al Qaeda leader killed by Russian security forces in July 2006.

The insertion of US soldiers inside Pakistan is a risky venture. If this raid indeed occurred US intelligence must have believed that a senior-most al Qaeda or Taliban leader or leaders were present."

The Black Guard -- think the crazy Muslim version of the SS Leibstandarte Adolf Hilter -- still exists, remains largely stocked with maniacal Chechen fighters and stays very close to bin Laden and al-Zawahiri. They were badly embarrassed by the whipping Task Force 88 (or 145) gave them in 2006 and have "requested a rematch" in taped or Internet messages since. According to intelligence sources, they got that rematch on Sept. 3 and, once again, had a lot of their comrades sent to meet Allah with no loss to American personnel.

But there's more to this raid than giving Black Guard a healthy dose of STFU. Like the Long War Journal said, the raid was intended to capture or kill someone very high on the al-Qaida ladder. And, if Black Guard was in the neighborhood, that means bin Laden or al-Zawahiri weren't far away (if not there and now gone).

There have been four other Predator strikes in the neighborhood in the past few days. Areas that were allegedly off limits are now facing the wrath of U.S. forces.

What's changed:

A lot. The U.S. has (finally) come to the conclusion that Pakistan is an unreliable ally in the war on terror, if it is one at all. With the departure of Pervez Musharraf and Pakistan's decision to stop fighting the Taliban during Ramadan even though the terrorists continue to strike at will, the U.S. has probably decided to say, "Screw you guys," and is taking the action that it probably should have (and, if the Pakis didn't have nukes, would have seven years ago.

President Bush is fed up with Pakistan's pathetic response to the Taliban's power in Waziristan, even though the terrorist group threatens the country's very being. He and Secretary of Defense Robert Gates (henceforth known as Ranger65) believe that the Pakistani intelligence and defense arms are corrupt with Taliban sympathizers and won't move against them, but are also not stupid enough to confront the U.S. Bush and Ranger65 also believe that, should Obama be elected president, the country will immediately revert to the "head in sand" mode preferred by Carter and Clinton and lose any chance of eliminating the killers responsible for 9/11.

So, in spite of the fact John McCain's chances for election are a lot better now than they were a week ago, no chances are being taken. Bush/Ranger65 want this done before 1/20/09.

We know our enemy. We know where they are. We can now get to them. The bad guys had better start running.

F**K off, Keith Olbermann

I really hate the fact that I've become so political on this blog (not that anyone is around to notice), but there have been a few things lately that have galled me. Keith Olbermann, the alleged "anchor" of MSNBC, galls me to no end.

Why? Because he's arrogant, self-absorbed, pompous and...well, he's basically full of shit. He's a leftist jackoff who makes no pretense about it, which is fine. Unless you lie and intentionally skew facts and then act like the entire world is wrong when you get called on it.

How bad is he? A lot of liberals can't stand him. One liberal blogger said thus: "I’ve frequently lambasted the guys at Fox News Channel for their unmitigated bias, but even their one-sided fellating of all things conservative pales in comparison to the ferocity of your on-air effort to stick your entire head up Barack Obama’s ass. Here’s a towel, Keith. Wipe yourself off, and pass it to Chris Matthews when you’re done."

Now that's bad. But it's true; if he could have gotten away with it, Olbermann would have grabbed Barack by the belt, pulled down zipper, milked the shaft...and, well, you get the idea. Not rhetorically, mind you; literally.

But nothing compares to Olbermann when he gets on his single-minded crusade to defame Republicans, particularly President Bush and now, John McCain and Sarah Palin. I would say he has the devotion of a Nazi, but I will refrain in respect to his heritage. Instead, he works with the devotion of a Stalinist.

Get someone talking about anything positive about a Republican and he will go bonkers on the air, filled with righteous indignation. He's called Sarah Palin "Flick," Reese Witherspoon's character from "Election," and the witch from the Harry Potter books. Tom Brokaw said something nice about John McCain and Olbermann went nuts, to the point where he's tried to have Brokaw banned from MSNBC. Sorry, Keith, Tom Brokaw is the second-most acclaimed TV journalist alive, and you're a dumbfuck who never learned to drive a car.

Keith Olbermann is the guy who couldn't carry Dan Patrick's jockstrap, and lost jobs at ESPN and Fox because he is, simply, a miserable son of a bitch who people hate to work with. He found a niche with the insane Bush-hating, 9/11 Troofers, and it's kept him afloat at MSNBC. So what if he only pulls a .2 rating? It's better than anything else that lousy network has.

John McCain and I went to the same high school. He went to Annapolis, I went to College Station. I think our colleges had a far great impact on our lives than our high school, but all three places had an honor code which went something like this: "I will not lie, cheat or steal and will not tolerate those who do."

Keith Olbermann is an egotistical sack of shit who lies as often as he breathes. He cheats to "prove a point" and steals airtime from people who might actually have a connection with reality. Therefore, I do not tolerate him.

Keith, go fuck yourself. I mean that sincerely.

Supporting Sarah

When John McCain selected Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate, I was a little unnerved. I was afraid she wouldn't be up to the challenge of being the vice president, the campaign that would come before it and the mudslinging it would entail. I was afraid she would be swallowed up by the bright lights and pressure of a major convention speech.

I felt this way not because she was a woman, but because I wasn't sure being the governor of Alaska prepared you for much of anything but being...well, governor of Alaska.

After last night's speech, I stand firmly corrected. It was the best speech of any kind I've heard since the president spoke a few days after 9/11, and the best purely political speech since THE MAN last gave one back two decades ago. Sarah Palin is legit.

In spite of her outstanding effort last night, there are still a lot of people on the left skewering her with pleasure usually derived from going after GWB. The huffing, the arrogance, the indignity with which Sarah Palin is treated is simply repulsive.

What's makes it even more reprehensible is that a lot of it is coming from the alleged "Feminist" movement.

This morning, Momma Pug directed me to a blog where a former journalist and now stay-at-home-mom ripped Palin for abandoning her family to run for the vice presidency. A lot of "Feminists" are doing this, with the willing support of their friends in the media.

When she was first picked, it was "Palin's not ready; Palin's not experienced or Palin's stupid." Ok, she shot those theories down Wednesday night, bringing up some pretty embarrassing holes in the Obamanation's record in the process. So what's it now?

"Palin's got a bastard grandchild on the way."
"Palin's not worried about her retarded son."
"Palin's a terrible wife because she's involved in a campaign."
"Palin's got bad hair."

Seriously. I saw all of those this morning in major newspapers. How pathetic! How juvenile!

How disgusting to recognize a lot of it are coming from the very people who should be thrilled with her very nomination.

Rudy Guiliani drilled it last night when he referred to the "Feminists" and "unbiased" members of the media attacking Palin and asked, "How dare they? How dare they? Why don't they ask this of the male candidates?"

Exactly.

Joe Biden's wife died a good long time ago, and ever since, Biden has taken an Amtrak train from D.C. back to Delaware every night to be with his kids. This was a source of pride and publicity at the Democratic convention two weeks ago -- not a soul said he shouldn't be running for the vice presidency. Sarah Palin has a husband who can help her with the family matters -- and, oh, by the way, he has a job. By the "feminist" logic, he should quit.
Also:
John F. Kennedy, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter had no business running for office, as they had younger kids.
John Adams should have NEVER gone overseas on diplomatic missions during the Revolution, as he left Abigail with five kids.
Where did 41 get off leaving Barbara to raise 43, Jeb, Neil, Marvin and Doro to run for public office? CONDEMN THEM ALL!

Of course, you don't hear this. Nor should you. Because, in previous years, "family" did not equal "political opportunity."

"Feminists" despise Sarah Palin because she's not "sophisticated" enough for their tastes. She's a proud "hockey mom" who knows how to use a gun. She lives in -- GASP! -- Alaska, and went to the University of Idaho. She isn't from D.C. or New York or Boston or L.A. and didn't attend Harvard or Yale or Vassar or Cal or one of those "institutions of higher learning." She's a small town girl who got married and started a family along with having a successful career, something the "Feminists" abhor. In their minds, you can have one or the other, not both.

There's another reason "Feminists" hate Sarah Palin. Abortion. The fact that she has five kids, including one with Down Syndrome, and that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant drives them utterly batshit. The "Feminists" would prefer for both Trig and Bristol's baby to have been terminated. They see pro-choice opportunity in ripping the personal decisions of a pro-life woman and her family.

That's contemptible.

I, for one, happen to believe the "Feminist" movement now exists on simply the abortion issue. Otherwise, "Feminists" would be all kinds of pumped about Sarah Palin, instead of having Gloria Steinem come out and say that the only thing she has in common with Hillary is a chromosome.

The Hillary hypocrisy is classic. The "Feminists" are saying that Hillary didn't start her career until Chelsea was out of the house, fully grown. Uh, no. She was a prominent partner in the Rose Law Firm in Little Rock and a member of the Wal-Mart board of directors when Chelsea was Trig's age; she said "We are President" and she mounted "Hillarycare" when Chelsea was in junior high. Nary a peep of criticism for this "Progressive, Feminist"!

Whatever. Call a spade a spade and just say you hate her because she's a pro-life Republican, "Feminists." Spare me the "bullshit."

A liberal girl I know was outraged at something she saw last night at the GOP convention. "Hoosiers for the Hot Girl," the sign read. "How far we've come.." my friend wrote.

Indeed. But in missing the forest for the trees, the bigger outrage flew right by.

Not how it's supposed to work

Parts of an actual conversation, held less than 45 minutes ago.

Me: "Dude."
Jamie': "Dude."
Me: If I say to you that I walked into the massage place and was greeted by a new masseuse who looked and talked like Laura Bush, circa 1977, what would you think?
Jamie': (Growls). I'm getting laid tonight.
Me: Yeah, well, no such luck. In fact, I've never been in more pain in my life.
Jamie': I didn't have you pegged for liking it rough.
Me: Funny boy. I didn't want it rough.
Jamie': I'm not following.
Me: Well, I laid down on the table and she took one look and noticed that my right shoulder is below my left one. In fact, my right leg, at this point, is about a centimeter shorter than my left.
Jamie': WHAT?
Me: Apparently, I have screwed up my pelvis. There is some muscle, the A-sac or something or other, that is much tighter on my right side than my left. As a consequence, my left side works harder, hence the perpetually tight left calf and the sore left hip.
Jamie': Damn.
Me: Yeah. So she worked it out.
Jamie': Which one?
Me: All of them.
Jamie': ALL OF THEM?
Me: Yep.
Jamie': Holy shit.
Me: You have no idea. She had my legs going in directions I didn't think they could go as she rubbed my calf and hip so hard it burned.
Jamie': Did you scream?
Me: No. I did squirm, however. Frequently.
Jamie': Did it work?
Me: I don't know yet. I think so. I think it'll have to be done a few more times, though.
Jamie': You at least got a happy ending out of this, right?
Me: DO I SOUND LIKE I'M HAPPY?
Jamie': No, but I'm sure enjoying it.

I STILL hate Home Depot

As some of you will recall, a few weeks back I described the hell we had to go through to install a new toilet and floor in the upstairs bathroom. A large part of the frustration can be directly linked to the inept and arrogant staff at the local Home Depot, whose motto is, "You can do it. Ask us if we give a fuck."

(Diva, I can hear you giggling from here.)

So I wrote them a letter, which was also posted here. Some guy in India responded and tried to buy my affection with a $25 gift card.

Little did Chandrak or whatever his name was know that he pissed me off with such a low offer, as the Razorback wrote a similar letter and got $30 for his trouble. But, being a sucker, I took their $25 gift card.

This afternoon, after my massage (that story next), I went to use said card. I was going to get some new boards for the back fence. I walked in and the damned section was closed. Not that anyone was actually doing anything; they just shut it off so I couldn't get what I wanted.

New motto: "You can't do it. We still don't give a fuck."

Why the welcome mat got pulled

"Woke up this morning with an attitude
Took a look at the headlines, put me in a real bad mood"

Considering that liberal idiocy oozes out of every pore of Don Henley (when he's not singing about Tequila Sunrises and the like), it's a little bit ironic to quote him to start this. But bear with me, if you'll be so kind.

As most of you know, I was once a journalist. And, from what I've told, a pretty good one (good enough that the Kansas City Star is pulling me out of mothballs this weekend) -- I won six awards and was the executive editor of three weekly newspapers with a combined circulation of 110,000 just four years in to my "career."

Then I got out.

There were a lot of reasons for this, not the least being the lack of money. But there were others. One of my biggest problems about the industry is one that all "real" reporters scoff at -- the rampant liberalism in every branch of the business, at every level. The reason they don't realize they're liberal is because there's nobody around to tell them they are, except the "idiots."

Journalism is overrun with arrogant, naive liberals who think they have all the answers, save for the part about actually having to deal with human beings. They don't do that very well, in large part because they hold the people they cover in contempt. Those people, of course, are also "idiots" who just don't understand that they're WRONGWRONGWRONG in everything they do.

The most arrogant naive species of journalist is the full-time columnist, who has nothing to do but sit in an office and pontificate in print a couple times a week, max.

The worst offender of this kind is Lisa Falkenberg of the Houston Chronicle. There's arrogant, there's arrogant and naive, there's arrogant, naive and stupid, and then there's Lisa.

I made the mistake of reading her column this morning (Sept. 2). She was criticizing the people of Houston for not being sweet and giving enough to the people evacuating the wrath of Hurricane Gustav (read: NEW ORLEANS).

"A headline in some Monday editions declared that Houston "opens its arms" to our neighbors from the east fleeing Hurricane Gustav. But it's clear, this time around, not all of us are in a welcoming mood.

Indeed, one reader commenting on the Chronicle's Web site suggested the headline should have read "Houston area, prepare to bear arms!!! Here we go again!!"

Someone questioned when Houston would have a hurricane "so we can take all our undesirables to New Orleans and leave them?"

A few readers attempted to remind the others of our humanitarian obligation to help our neighbors. But the memories, or perhaps more accurately in most cases, the perceptions, of Katrina evacuees' impact on the area are too bitterly fresh.

The anti-evacuee sentiment among many Houstonians, fed by a brief, post-Katrina crime spike largely blamed on New Orleans-area gang members and frustration over the number of Katrina evacuees still receiving public assistance three years after the storm, isn't lost on the Gustav evacuees this time around."

I'm greatly amused by Falkenberg's discussion of "our humanitarian obligation to help our neighbors," because you can bet your ass Lisa Falkenberg hasn't done shit, now or three years ago or anytime in between, to help a hurricane evacuee. They're beneath her, beneath her station, and not worthy of her time. After all, she's making the ultimate sacrifice of giving them her column space, and that should be plenty.

I also greatly enjoy the semantics that Falkenberg uses to attack the people of Houston. Her "brief, post-Katrine crime spike" is still going on, as the violence, murder and rape numbers in Houston remain far above where they did three years ago. And, in the 18 months following Katrina, portions of Houston became like the Wild, Wild West. Those sections? The ones overrun with New Orleans evacuees. A coincidence, I'm sure.

Actually, no. No, I'm quite sure the opposite is the case. This is, in large part, due to the fact that I was covering this spike in crime because it was happening in the areas that our papers covered and where my wife and I lived. Violent crime numbers didn't jump briefly; they were a prolonged, painful issue. One that HPD's idiot Chief Harold Hurtt tried to avoid mentioning, for several months, because he's a) an idiot and b) like Falkenberg, "sensitive". It was only when his livid officers made a point of noting the New Orleans connection that he developed enough of a spine to admit the problem. From Falkenberg's own paper, in Jan. 2006, a mere five months after Katrina:

"Citywide, the homicide total rose 23 percent last year, with the largest increases coming at the end of the year.

The increase has continued in January, Hurtt said, with the city recording 21 homicides to date, compared with 14 between Jan. 1 and 18, 2005. [bold added]

"It's not a good way to start the year, but we are also living in a city of more than 2 million people,'' Hurtt said. (very sensitive, Harry -- ed.)

While homicides continue at a heightened level, he said the levels of other violent crimes such as robbery also continue to be of major concern."


Now, keep in mind here, this is a half-year after Katrina. And the increase in murders was still by 50 PERCENT. Some brief crime spike. Also, keep in mind that the 23 percent increase pushed Houston's murder total well into triple digits.

Now, stuff like this, the robberies, the vandalism, the increase in drug activity and other really lousy things pissed the people of Houston off. Simply put, there were a lot of people who came to Houston after Katrina and Rita. The only people who acted like they were entitled to anything, who basically pissed on the shoes of the people who tried to help them, were from New Orleans. I saw it; I lived it. It was an everyday occurrence. And it was disgusting.

Lisa Falkenberg labels the hostility felt towards New Orleans people now as -- you guessed it -- racism.

"Some of the negativity toward evacuees is based on valid concerns and genuine, first-hand experiences. The rest seems to have grown from hearsay, stereotypes and bigotry."

Bullshit. Plain, simple bullshit. That's a weak effort to couch a largely baseless argument that is devoid of factual backing.

What Falkenberg is implying is that white Houstonians now hate black New Orleans people because they're black.

No.

ALL Houstonians hate New Orleans people not because they're black, but because they're overwhleming stupid, lazy and expect people to do things for them instead of do it themselves. White Houstonians opened their hearts and homes to New Orleans residents in 2005 and got spit on. But nobody got it worse than black Houstonians, who went well above and beyond the call to help those in need.

In return, they got vandalized houses and hotel rooms, rampant violence and a horrible spike in murder that still hasn't subsided. Black Houstonians, naturally, are bitter about this turn of events. So Falkenberg neglects their very existence.

Houston suffered a lot of damage for its good works three years ago. People of all races and creeds turned out, did what they could and then were slapped in the face for their good works. This is why the welcome mat got pulled -- but it's also enough for the Lisa Falkenberg's of the world, high in their ivory castles in the kingdom of naivete, to scorn the commoner.

Sunday night, the missus and I went to Buccees. There, we saw a black guy with a map, plainly an evacuee and plainly lost. I walked over and asked where he was from.

"Beaumont," he replied.

"How can I help you out?" I said.

If the guy had said "New Orleans," I would have walked out the door. I would have had ample reason to. So would about two millions of my closest friends, black and white.