Dear Home Depot

(The following is an actual letter sent via E-mail by yours truly to the Home Depot)

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing you to complain about the service that I have received on numerous visits to The Home Depot in Pearland, TX. I believe that the store is referred to as the “Silverlake” location and is number 5796.

I will note at the start of this letter that I use the term “service” loosely. In many cases, I couldn’t find anyone to help me and just as many employees who actually cared.

Judging from your commercials, Home Depot employees are highly intelligent, motivated people who know not only their respective departments, but can at least tell you where other items are located. This location in particular seems to have not gotten the message, because, when you actually found an employee, they had no clue about how to help me.

Now, I will admit that my project was probably too complex for most home improvement specialists to fathom. I was actually trying to put in a new toilet and tiling in my upstairs bathroom. I wanted to do it myself because I was trying to not only be cost-efficient, but learn something new. And, I will admit, I was suckered by your motto: “You can do it. We can help.”

Not at the Silverlake location, dear person. That changes the motto to “You can do it. Maybe. Ask us if we give a hoot.”

In the process of installing this toilet, which I purchased from you, and fixing the downstairs ceiling, I returned to this location a dozen times. I received decent customer service once. One for 12 is a pretty lousy average, especially when I’m asking such tough questions as “where can I find the sheetrock?”

The service I received at the cash registers was equally pathetic. When we purchased the toilet, we picked up a model that was placed under a sign which indicated it was $79. It rang up at the cash register at $129. We were informed by Tamika that we plainly didn’t know what we were talking about when we said we were under the impression that it was $50 cheaper. Well, that made me reconsider my professional success and the four advanced degrees owned by myself and the people who were there with me. We’re plainly idiots, who should have known to look back to the third toilet under that sign to find the correct toilet. Silly us!

The last time I went, I purchased a piece of sheetrock. The piece did not have a UPC code, which plainly infuriated our young cashier, who stormed off in a huff to get the code with an attitude like we’d just taken away her car keys on movie night. After a few more snotty comments made to myself and the gentleman with me, she was offended when we didn’t tell her to have a nice day.

I will be honest: I’ve never written a letter of complaint about customer service before. But I will be equally honest with this statement – the service at location 5796 (I believe) sucks. When I leave a Home Depot, I want to feel like I got what I came for and didn’t waste any time, not insulted or talked down to like I’m some kind of brain-addled idiot. In the three years I’ve lived in Pearland, I have yet to have a satisfactory experience at your store. If there was a Lowe’s anywhere nearby, I would frequent it. As it is, I know this will fall upon deaf ears, but I can assure you that I’m not the only person who is really tired of the crap they have to put up every time they go to location 5796 (I think).

Take the initiative and make the management at the Pearland/Silverlake location do their job. Make them crack the whip and improve customer service. You can do it. I can help.