Text messages at 1:47 a.m.

Last night, Momma Pug and I were sound asleep, pug and silky snoring between us, when I heard a loud electronic beep. Now, this probably harkens back to my days as a cops reporter, but whenever I hear a beep on the phone, I jump up.

Now, a little background. The phone number I have harkens back nearly a half-decade, when Momma Pug and I lived just outside of the holy land of College Station (we now live south of Houston--281 REPRESENT!). The area code stretches from the Brazos River to Huntsville (more stories about that later) to deep East Texas.

East Texas can be...well, a tad bit scary. There are some...interesting folks living out there. Some think nothing of calling you for a drunken hookup at 1 in the morning (and that means ladies and gentlemen). I've had to tell several people that 1) they have the wrong number and 2) sorry, I'm married and not interested anyway. Yes, sir, I'm quite sure that I don't want to try something new. Ma'am, I'm very happy to hear what you can do with a golf ball and 40 feet of garden hose, but no, I'm not interested in trying out your talents tonight. I work for a living and work starts at 8.

Anyway, back to the beep. I check the phone and there's a message.

"Coming back 2 nite, baby?"

I guess, because my legs are sore from working out, that it's gonna take a while to get back to sleep. So I figure I'll screw with whoever sent it.

"Gonna get some chew. BBL" I reply. (Note: I don't chew. Just sounded good.)

30 seconds later, a beep. "Thought you quit."

Hmm. "Baby, when you work me like that, I need just a little"

40 seconds, another beep.

"You think thats good wait til u get back but spit out that stuff before you work on me"

Ok, that's more information than I needed.

"What about me?"

20 seconds, a beep.

"i can do that again i guess"

Ok, time to end this game.

"Can I bring the wife over? She can watch or more"

No beep. I was back asleep by 2.